Stay Out of My Driveway!

Posted on May 15, 2017


Maybe it’s some kind of equivalent to the crotchety old man yelling, “Hey, you kids!  Keep off my lawn!”  You have seen the signs as you drive around:  Keep Out.  No Trespassing.  Private Property.  Then there are the hand-lettered signs in spray paint, on plywood:  No Turning Around in Driveway!!!  and similar sentiments.  “Geez, touchy, are we?” you might think.  “I’ll only be a second while I turn my car around.  It’s no big deal, I’m not hurting anything.”  When the crotchety old man appears, probably in overalls and carrying a shotgun, you think he is a total jerk.

Please reconsider.  Even if there is no reason for those signs, other than the owner just being a selfish jerk, the property is not yours to do with as you please.  However, Lila will bet some safe money that the owner is not a jerk; he’s just fed up with the collective crap that goes on.  Crap that costs him time, money, and a lot of frustration.

Confession time:  Lila is a jerk, too.  The latest:  our internet / TV / phone is out.  Why?  Because some ass who cannot read our “Keep Out” sign, or figured it does not apply to him, incompetently turned into our driveway, where he had no business, and in the process, hit the phone pole, tearing out our fiber optic cable.  This phone pole is a good 8 feet away from our actual driveway, and the fiber optic cable is in a protective, bright orange rubber conduit, and the conduit was positioned to protect it from people who might hit the pole; but the cable company probably didn’t count on someone so incompetent that he would grind against the pole while dropping his vehicle down an embankment clearly not intended for any kind of traffic.


The torn-out fiber optic cable.

As I have written previously, we live on a well-traveled corner.  As the first driveway on this road, we knew we were in for the occasional car turning around, and at first, it didn’t seem so annoying.  But then you get the tire ruts in the lawn that was so hard to grow, oil stains from people’s poorly maintained jalopies, destroyed landscaping (I have had to rebuild my flower bed by the mailbox twice), fencing knocked down.  Twice I have suddenly  found myself face-to-face with some idiot’s headlights as I pushed the lawnmower up the driveway.  Well, this gets pretty old pretty fast.  So we put up the “Keep Out” sign, and it has helped, but there are still those people (like Mr. Ass yesterday) who think this does not apply to them.  And they are not polite about how they turn around, either; they do not minimize either the time or the space that they use; they come all the way down the drive – over 100 feet – and turn around just inches from our garage.  Sometimes they park and have a cell phone conversation or fiddle with their computers.  Granted, I don’t want them doing that on the road, but my home is not a public parking lot, either.

photoI dread the day we come home to find our garage doors dented, or bricks knocked off the corners of our house.  I am not kidding.  People around here just can’t drive.  We have had cars in the ditch in front of our house on multiple occasions; we have seen people crash into the cemetery on multiple occasions (in a hurry to get in, I suppose); they have knocked down the speed limit sign; they even managed to run over a giant boulder which is part of our flower bed.  Seriously, people, how hard is it to just keep your car on the road?


Really, how do you not notice a rock this big, and run over it?? Note the phone pole on the other side of the driveway. How hard is it to NOT hit that??

After the boulder incident – we had to get a loader to move it back into place – I swore I would get a camera to monitor the driveway.    I never got around to it.  Today’s project:  get a camera to monitor the driveway.  Yep, Lila is becoming more of a jerk than ever about people trespassing in the driveway.  Will I use the camera footage to go after the next person who costs us property damage, time, and money?  Yes.  Yes, I will.

So next time you’re out driving and see those asinine “Keep Out” signs – there’s probably a reason.  No, there’s probably a whole history there.  So please respect the property owner’s wish.