A New Low in Toys for Girls: Feces Are Magical and Fun!

Posted on December 22, 2014

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The old baby dolls that could “go potty” were apparently not enough for today’s girls, so now we have dolls that crap rainbows and jewels.

I have written previously that as a child, I despised my plastic baby dolls and much preferred my brother’s toys. I thought the baby dolls were sort of creepy, and it didn’t help that some of them were designed to accept “feedings” of water from a toy bottle, and then to “wet,” because apparently, little girls were supposed to enjoy cleaning up urine-soaked diapers. My very young reaction was to think that this was a nasty bore, to stuff the dolls into my closet where I would not have to see them, and then to go play with the much more fun GI Joe (“Fully articulated, with Kung Fu grip!”). Women’s Lib hadn’t happened yet, but so what? I had already instinctively figured out that just about anything was more fun than cleaning up excrement, even if it was just plastic baby doll excrement.

Fast-forward several decades, and women have made huge strides forward. We’re CEOs! Senators! Astronauts! Secretary of State! And our toys reflect the brave new world we have claimed: yes, now they make excrement fun!

Wait, what?

You heard me. Girls now have toys that make excrement fun.

I discovered this quite by accident at our local PX, where I saw this in the toy section:

Diapersurprise

Yep, “Diaper Surprise.”  “I magically poop charms!”  Changing diapers is just brimming with fun, excitement, and cool surprises. You can check out the insanely happy activity in the ad below.

If you’re really curious how it works, The Disney Cars Toy Club has posted a helpful video on YouTube.

Sorry, but in real life, diapers stink.  Oh, there can be surprises, all right, but they’re never anything good and certainly nothing you want to collect and wear on your bracelet. I don’t know what the hell they were thinking when they came up with this doll. About the only realistic thing about it is that you have to keep buying diapers.

Sadly, the Diaper Surprise doll is not a lone aberration. There are also the Moxie Girlz Poopsy Pets, whose excrement is a cause for elation: “magic poop, so cute!”  Cute?!  Really??  Sure, it’s just exactly like taking your real-life dog for a walk and having to clean up his rainbows after him. Oh, wait. I’m betting that your dog actually makes a steaming, stinking, soft, warm pile of crap that you are supposed to carry home with you in a plastic bag that you try to touch as little as possible. Yeah, there’s a reason that a lot of people skip that little duty. Because it’s not nearly as fun as this ad would have you believe:

I’m just a little mystified as to why dolls marketed as confident, courageous, positive and energetic role models for little girls would then have a whole offshoot involving cute, magical poop.

Why? Why do manufacturers want girls to think that diapers and pet crap are so cute? Why don’t we see pooping toys for boys? Is this some kind of insidious attempt to train girls at an early age to believe that the nastiest domestic chores are something to aspire to?

You know, today’s world is wide-open for women, at least compared to what it looked like during my youth. You’d think that by now, we would have toys that encourage interests in science, in engineering, in medicine or aviation or… anything. But no, girls’ toys fall into limited, confining and sharply-defined categories: princess stuff, mothering and homemaking, and slutty toys, not to mention a profusion of pink, pink, pink.  These toys that make feces into something magical and fun are, I think, a new low.  Boys get to play with race cars or spaceships or dinosaurs.  Girls get to play with shit.

I’m very glad I am not a parent, but if I were, I’d buy my daughter the same toys I’d buy for my son, and stay the hell away from things like this.

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