Paean and Requiem to the Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bar

Posted on June 18, 2012


Okay, Hershey, what gives? Where the heck are all the Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bars? They seem to be going extinct, even on your website! When I click your “locate hard-to-find items,” the Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bar – Nature’s most perfect food, by the way – is not one of the choices! What kind of callous disregard for Reese’s addicts is this?

I only “discovered” the Crispy Crunchy Bar a few years ago, probably in a gas station or convenience store while traveling and famished. Now, I was previously a certified Reese’s Cup addict, and they are good, but somewhat inconsistent. My Reese’s Cup enjoyment was plagued by a sort of Reese’s Roulette, in which you never knew whether the bag you just bought was filled with those delicious, slightly oily cups, or the ones with the pale, inexplicably chalky filling.

But the Crispy Crunchy Bar is just sublime. Belgium can keep their fancy chocolate; Godiva may as well sell wax. They’ve got nothing on the solid crunch of the soft peanut brittle, the satisfying density of the crushed peanuts, and the salty, nutty, creamy peanut butter all enrobed in a coat of sweet milk chocolate, which just melts in your mouth if you consume this bar as it should be, at room temperature. Mmmm. A satisfying salty-sweet snack that sticks to your ribs for hours, killing cravings and keeping up your energy. It’s like a Butterfinger Bar, only… perfected. It does not stick to the teeth. It does not shatter into dozens of crumbs. And the mix of crispy, crunchy, and soft textures has an inimitable “mouth feel.”

For a while, I happily bought six-bar packages from our military commissary. After they were mysteriously discontinued, I was relieved to discover that Wal-Mart carried the King-Size version in their checkout lanes. I would sneak into the lanes, put together an entire 18-count box of these treasures, and sheepishly check out with probably about 9000 Reese’s calories (take that, Mayor Bloomberg!). The King-Size version is exactly double the weight of the regular size, so I got into the habit of breaking one in half, and a box would last a month or two.

But now, disaster has struck. As my supply dwindled, I could not find the bars in any of our nearby Wal-Marts, or anywhere else. Finally, I approached the management and asked: Is it just out of stock right now, or maybe seasonal? Or… [shudder] is it gone for good? My fears were confirmed, it is gone for good, at least from Wal-Mart shelves, and I have not yet found it anywhere else. The manager took pity on me, rummaged around in the back, and came back with one last unopened, pristine box of Reese’s crack Crispy Crunchy Bars, which I immediately hustled home under guard, and locked in the pantry (well, they’re no good if you don’t eat them, right?).

So what’s next for Lila, once this last box is gone? I suppose I could prowl around gas stations and convenience stores, or possibly go into business myself and order these by the pallet. Or install a vending machine behind my house and have it stocked solely with Crispy Crunchy Bars.

Or… I may just have to crack the code for myself. There may just be time to come up with a chocolate-covered soft peanut brittle recipe before the withdrawal symptoms start to set in…

Readers, what favorite foods have you seen disappear from the market, and how did you adapt?

Originally published at The Color of Lila.